My Life, My Choices

Name: Chitra Umaashanker
Age: 47
Place: Cochin

When I was prompted to write my life story, one of the first thoughts were well, I have still a long way to go, but I will stop for a moment and reflect.
I have lived my prime years of life with RA. I have also faced major life events while having it. An engineer by qualification, I had joined the IAF soon after my graduation.

I was serving as a defence officer in IAF when RA first struck me. It continued for about three years with a few remission and relapses. I was not married then. I recovered to a great extent in 2–3 years, and due to social pressure and my will to be active again, started looking for jobs and went into a preparatory. I was confident that I wanted to look for marriage only after I ‘settle’ into a good job.

I started full-time work a couple of years later and joined the IT Industry working for a multinational company. After seven years of staying in my hometown with my parents, I flew out of town to join the company. My cousins and friends helped me settle in the new town.

Soon I found my life partner. It was an arranged marriage. My parent’s biggest fear or concern, whatever you may want to call it was how to disclose my history of arthritis to the prospective groom and fly. I said ’No’ to ‘formal girl seeing’ ceremony and instead decided to meet the groom and talk to him one on one. He was working in the same town, and we met on a Friday after work. I showed my deformed fingers to him and told him that mostly I have to be on medication life long and the doctor has affirmed that I can lead a married life. I think that might have given my husband some confidence. My husband and family have high confidence in me and have supported my choices well.

One problem of living with a chronic illness like RA is that you have to lead a measured life. But that also allows you to decide the most essential things in life—objectivity and practicability help. I have had many ups and downs, but I have bounced back every time. My mantra, "Do your best and leave the rest to Almighty."

Another important life lesson I have learned is to seek help. Seeking help is by no means a sign of weakness, but rather, it takes courage to seek help and not get bogged down by your disease. Remember,suffering comes to those who hesitate. Be an inspiration. RA may limit our social life, but one should make an effort to stay in touch at least over the phone. Support groups and patient-friends help. Do not ask what life has given to you; ask what you have given to life.

I wish you all success in life's journey.

PS: I quit my job a couple of years back and am currently working on a support group solution and cloud platform for integrated care for RA patients.